Lazy as Shit (guilty post)

I realize I have not updated the blog in a while, and I feel like a shithead for not being able to find the time for one. On the off chance you want to get your fix on the the go, I have been "tweeting", as gay as that sounds. If you are into that thing you can follow me on twitter @davidpeddigrew, oddly enough I have been pouring some comedic effort into twitter. Who knows you may see a surprise post in upcoming weeks...

Horrible Bosses Review - Also...Pot Brownies

July has been a very busy month and I have been wading through bullshit knee-high. I have however managed to squeeze some nights out, most which have been as shitty as sitting at a desk all day. However, I come to you now with the detailing of a very special night out.

DISCLAIMER: I watched the following movie, Horrible Bosses, under the influence of some good ol' fashioned "Space Cakes" (also known as weed brownies, the person who helped me made them INSISTED on calling them that, whatever tickles your pickle I guess)

"Bang on impression"

The Lead-Up 
I need to let it be known that my choice to see "Horrible Bosses" was a spur of the moment choice. After ingesting said brownies, a certain yearning came over me. I had needed to GET THE FUCK OUT from where I was, because I had began to, as the kids call it, wig out. I convinced my pals in order to calm down I needed to leave ASAP, so we hopped on the first bus that came down the street, a decision that will never turn out as well as it did this time, so don't fucking try it. As it turns out the buses final stop was the local movie theater, a fate so fittingly for a man as high as myself. So we stumble up the stairs, eyes as red as the devil's dick, giggling like a gang of hyena's. We slapped all the money we had and just asked "for a funny movie". I mean if I were ever to serve myself, I would fucking hate me. After spending an atrocious amount of money on food, we managed to find decent seats in a packed theater.I began to settle in, I placed my drink to my right (PS. I never knew proper etiquette on this, WHAT FUCKING SIDE DO I PUT IT ON?), shuffled my popcorn and candy onto my lap and I was ready to go.

The Viewing
The moment the opening credits rolled, I was locked in. I watched this movie like a man possessed, constantly analyzing and pondering every frivolous detail. Due to my extreme highness, the first laugh came at the familiar face of Jason Bateman, which then left a bitter taste in my mouth. (Over Arrested Development, i'm still pissed). In retrospect, the casting of this movie was phenomenal. I was mainly impressed by the inclusion of Charlie Day, or "Charlie" from "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia".

(The Hornet smoking man in the video)

Other notables include Jamie Foxx as "Mothafucka Jones", Jennifer Anniston as a nympho dentist, Colin Farrell as a balding cokehead and Kevin Spacey as your typical asshole boss. The basic plot is three buddies scheming to kill their bosses, a fantasy most can relate too. Now I am not here to re-write the whole fuckin movie so I'll get down to brass tax. During my first viewing of Horrible Bosses I was literally on the floor with laughter, and saw it as a revolution in film making. I wiped tears of laughter away from my eyes as I clutched my chest for release, hoping I would be able to breath in between these fits of laughter After viewing it a second time, this time much more sober I still enjoyed this movie but it was a hollow feeling, knowing it will never live up to my high expectations.

Therefore, I have decided to give Horrible bosses two separate ratings...

Horrible Bosses (HIGH) : 9.5/10

Horrible Bosses (SOBER) : 7.25/10

Overall, a decent flick. A enjoyable black comedy that is bound to create some laughs. I recommend you go out and see it yourselves if you are into that kinda thing, because after all I am just an asshole in front of a keyboard, so take my ratings with a grain of salt.

BTW. Thanks for all the support and all my followers, stay tuned and I will try and write MUCH more often...

Well Fuck, I'm Lazy... (A Night Out At The Bar/Movie Recommendations)

Wow, glad to see this shit-boat is still afloat... Hopefully my hiatus hasn't deterred my followers, who I was under the impression checked this site everyday, because lord knows I didn't. In all seriousness as school winds down, apparently so does my love-life which basically means I am back on the prowl for gutter sluts. So if anyone here is interested I am going to divulge what transpired one night at the local bar... (If not just skip your arrogant ass to the bottom where I have some interesting movie picks/ratings)

A Night Out At The Bar

     After what seemed like an endless cycle of beating my meat, eating cereal alone, and getting caught up on Breaking Bad, I felt like my life needed a change (or a real pussy).

 

(A seriously great show, highly recommend it)

I got all dressed up in my best T-shirt and wrinkled khaki's, the same exact pair I had almost shat in last year at the farmers market. (*Note: never eat quesadillas off a cart*) I loaded up on cologne from various bottles, reasoning that if I smell strong enough she won't focus on my appearance. So I ventured with some buddies to a local bar, because I figured if I can't get laid I might as well walk home. The place we went to was notorious for hosting a wide array of dirty birds, biker dykes, and aforementioned "gutter sluts". We entered the place with a strict plan and a very straight forward plan at that, which was to get our sorry asses laid. The first girl I talked too really wasn't having it, but most girls play coy so I pressed on. After an eternity of one word answers and blank stares, I used the good ol' "I have a dart game to go". Girls "2,3,4" were a blur of rejection and shame so I will leave their cunt faces out this retelling. (I DIDN'T EVEN WANT YOUR STINKY PUSSIES ANYWAY). Now girl 5 was when the night finally got interesting, who I shall refer to as "Brenda" . Brenda was a real "meat n' potatoes" kinda girl, and by that I mean she had a lot of meat on her and smelled like scalloped potatoes, which didn't deter me one bit. As the conversation turned to Pillow Talkin', it seemed  like I may have found a slump buster. After a few more rounds this girl was ready to go but also noticeably inebriated and very sweaty. We walked back to my apartment (A classy gent like me will NOT call a cab for a hook-up). As I entered my apartment I began stripping and was completely ready to go if you catch my drift... So caught up in my lust-filled stupor I had forgotten where Brenda was. Tip-toeing like a Jewel Thief I peered through all possible doorways and nooks, looking for my gargantuan accomplice. After not finding her anywhere in my house I figured I had been duped once again. So I returned to my comfy, ass-sweat stained computer chair and began to stroke the salami once again. After getting up at the crack of a dawn, I needed to run out of the house for some groceries, so I got my poop in a group and left for the store. Upon exiting my apartment what I saw next bewildered me... Brenda was passed out In the hallway.So close.. Yet so far away. 

Moral of the story: Pony up the extra 8 bucks for a cab, it may be the difference between getting pussy or feeling the shameful embrace of your right hand once again.

Thoughts On The Green Hornet (With some other bullshit)

I firstly must apologize for my long absence, I had tried to write more entries but nothing was really happening in my world worth writing about, and if something was I sure as fuck didn't know about it. If you want to be an asshole and skip straight to the review of the movie, you may do as such.

__________________________________________________________________________
At lot of really uncool shit went down, but long story short, my ass got DUMPED. After the typical ice cream dinners and all day showers I was able to pull my self enough out of the gutter to ask a girl out again. Granted she wasn't what most people would classify pretty as, and to be honest she resembled Danny Devito.

Can you imagine the kind of BJs this guy gives??

I figured if I was going to take this girl out, I might as well see a movie that had been catching my interest recently, "The Green Hornet".

REVIEW: Harry Potter 7 DH Pt. 1

LONG TIME, NO POST

Much alike many movie-goers, i ventured out to my local movie theater to watch the newest overly hyped Harry potter film over the weekend. Let me preface this by saying I am a big fan of the series, I have enjoyed everything to do with it. I am aware of the fans who decide to dress up, that is completely understandable. Heck I even sported a Gryffindor scarf. However with many things, there is a certain line i will tolerate, and the movie going experience I had was definitely NOT ok. No I will not comment on how it was boring as fuck, or how unnecessarily long it was, or even how it wasn't in 3D.

I mean WTF guys, That shit was a bummer

But when I was in line, a mystical fellow decked out in dumbledore clothing creeped up behind me, all this I had gathered from his hot, stale breath on the back of my neck. As I slowly turned around I felt relief for a split second, until i saw them...

Following close behind was legions and legions of short people, all dressed in their favorite characters, cloaks and assortments. Now I have nothing against short people, but what really got my goat was what followed out of Dumbledores mouth "Excuse me sir can we have your place in line, we are more dedicated fans"

Being with friends i shook off the need to oblige, and politely told him no, to which his response was forcefully pushing his way through our group, along with his short people legion. Now this probably hasn't happened to many, but without a doubt it is a guaranteed way to piss you off. What followed was the scuffle the likes of our theater had never seen, ending with the ejection of Wise Dumbledore and his troop of undersized wizards.


Now maybe I didn't love the movie because I had all of this hatred running through my mind during the viewing, but to conclude this rant about a ruined experience, I would like to state that sometimes fandom can be WAY TOO MUCH AND RUIN A MOVIE AND CAUSE AN ANNOYED VIEWER TO STATE THAT HE HAS HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH PUSHFULL SHORT PEOPLE.

PUN INTENDED

REVIEWING: TRIP ADVISORS BAD REVIEWS

Recently, the "Hotel/Motel/B&B Expert"  TripAdvisor.com has come under fire by various owners Hotel owners because they feel reviews on their businesses were too " Malicious and Harsh" from past customers. Just like Dwight Schrute once said, "A couple of bad reviews there, you may as well close up shop." It seems his words ring far too true..

"81% of travelers recommend Schrute Farms as per Tripadvisor" 

Although I do see the cause for anger if I myself was put in their situation. No matter any way you slice it they are all still businesses which require income and they all have their respective expenses, even if it is a hooker palace ran out of your own backyard. Which according to the enraged owners that is how they feel their businesses are being represented on TripAdvisor, something that is making the precious B&B industry bone dry these days. Lets face the facts who the fuck would want to go the Quality Inn in Stroudsburg, PA in goddamn October?

"The Birthplace Of Chlamydia "

In conclusion if you have half a goddamn brain you will make sure to go on TripAdvisor to check out your accommodations before spending a week at "Joe's Seafood Shack Hotel" in Palm Springs and catching a new strain of Hepatitis while you are out there.


For a more detailed look of places to stay the fuck away from head over to TripAdvisor and check out their 2010 Dirtiest Hotels here

Sex In The Church

"I am a Huge Faggot, Please Rape My Face"

Apparently the faggot on the left, commonly referred to as Bishop Eddie Long (GREAT PORN NAME) has these CRAZY accusations that he fucked three underage men, two who have came forward. A direct quote from The Guardian UK website explains ..."Two of the three men, then aged 17 and 18, allege that Long plied them with gifts including cash, cars and trips abroad" This depicts some sort of weird gay fuck fest in the tropics, with this man feeding you dollar bills while you tearfully caress his body. I'll just let you conjure up a nice mental image real quick....

100% Straight